By David Hulet
Graduate and General of the Sons of Helaman Program
Return Missionary from the San Diego, California Mission
HI, Im David Hulet! I always love to describe who I am to people because I feel like it comes out different every time I say it. I portray who I am to that person in a 5 sentence conversation and I create a persona that in all honesty might not even be who I really am at the core. Now don’t get me wrong, I never lie or say I caught a reeaallly big fish, but I describe myself to that person or to a group of people to paint a picture in their minds of who I am. When in actuality the real painting of David Hulet may look nothing like that!
So as I
write today I hope that genuinely you can see who I am at my core. I hope that
above all else you can walk away from the time you spent reading this and feel
one emotion. Sincerity. So sincerely thank you for reading today and thank you
for being open to what I have to say.
Who I
am has been a journey, not unlike the journey many of you are on. After 21
years of ups and downs, right turns and u-turns, there are adjectives I put
before and after my name to illustrate who I am. They could be anything from,
3.9 gpa student, to a starter on my high school football team. It could jump to
an eagle scout or the student of the year in 9th grade, impressive
right? How about student body officer or even better a return missionary. How
about son, brother, grandson, baseball player, boyfriend, best friend, and
perhaps even Christian, Mormon and believer. An endless list of accolades,
achievements and awards all to say “HI, I’m David Hulet and this is who I am!”
Now how about one more that you may
not expect to be alongside the rest, one that doesn’t seem to fit, one that you
could say “shouldn’t” be there. The skeleton in the closet that is also the
elephant in the room. Two words that at the time seemed to erase all the good
that I previously stated. Pornography Addict. Did that give you the shivers or
what? As an eleven year old kid, and a 16 year old kid and an 18 year old kid
it gave me the shivers. It took from me what you would say I “should” have had,
a healthy, happy and high self-esteem. It seemed to be the one phrase that was
branded onto my heart, no matter how hard the other identities tried to take
its place. Sound familiar to anyone?
Well if it does let me tell you
that the story I’m telling you is not a sad one. It doesn’t end with a jail
sentence, it doesn’t end with exile or excommunication, and it definitely didn’t
end in suicide. Even better, this part of the journey BEGAN, “began” being such
an important phrase because growing up I didn’t believe that I could begin
again, that I could have new life, new hope and a mighty change of heart. I was
addicted to pornography, people don’t come back from that, it’s a trap that has
no door to the outside, or so I thought.
My journey began again starting in
the summer of 2010 on a pioneer trek in the mountains of Wyoming, when I was
surrounded with people I didn’t know. People who had no idea who I really was,
or at least who I thought I really was! It was exhilarating, and the miracle of
it all, I spent that week with those people and guess what, they loved me! Now
I don’t mean they loved me like they were throwing roses at my feet and asking
for an encore, I mean they loved me for who they saw me to be, they saw value
in me and in what I had to offer. So BEGAN the redefining of my identity, the
beginning of the journey out of the trap I thought had no outward swinging
door.
Even after such a positive and
loving experience it wasn’t quite enough to get me out. The Lord decided to
send me angels. A best friend, a girlfriend, a coach and a brother. A bishop,
Sunday school and seminary teacher and not to mention a faithful mother. People
who will never truly know how much effect they really had upon my progress. It
was not them individually, but collectively I could not have done it without
each and every one of them. What was it that they did that made such a lasting
and profound effect you ask? They kept telling me what was right about me, they
saw good and they let it be known. When in my head all I could hear and believe
was the opposite, their voices slowly began to drown out the others. I BEGAN to
believe in myself, the light was shining and the tunnel was shrinking.
Surprisingly that wasn’t enough, it
was difficult even then to see myself through others eyes. To look into a
mirror and feel the things that others said. That is when, in the summer after
my senior year of high school, an inspired bishop asked me if I would like to
join the Sons of Helaman program. After an initial response of “no, I have it
under control” which by this time I did have better grip than when I was 13,
the Spirit took the wheel and persuaded me to change my answer, I said “you
know what... I need to get this over once and for all.”
With experience gained in sports,
music, student government and relationships, I knew what it meant to give my
whole heart to something or someone. Regrettably none of those things had given
back as much as I gave it, I always left feeling empty, emotionally and
spiritually. This time was different though, Sons of Helaman was different. It
taught me how to give my whole heart not to man or a cause devised by him but
to give my whole heart to God. To fight every single day and put my heart and
soul into God’s hands and work my tail off to change the tide.
Through concepts taught in Sons of
Helaman like combatting negative thoughts, and practicing warrior chemistry to
overcome temptation. I began to see myself gaining momentum. By marking my
calendar in advance and holding myself accountable I began to not only believe
in myself but to see evidence of why I should. I decided to overhaul my life, I
cut out the sources of my addiction, I let go of useless entertainment and
spirit numbing media. I disciplined my habits and focused on my spiritual
well-being. I accounted to a young-lady each night of my progress and lost
myself in the Book of Mormon and fasting. I gave my whole heart to the cause
and to the program and when I did, I was finally receiving returns. The
investment was being reciprocated. God was sending things back to me that I
desperately needed.
By the time I arrived at week 6 of
being clean it was October of 2012. The historic announcement that lowered the
age of departing missionaries came and the shrinking tunnel I talked about
earlier disappeared. Through weeping and tears of joy I hugged my mom and
sister and we knew that this was sent by God as a gift to release me from the
bonds of addiction. I began my mission papers that week and saw the hand of the
Lord in my preparation. Through the enabling power of Christ’s atonement and
temple attendance the next six weeks of my journey through Sons of Helaman was
one of the happiest times of my life. I graduated on the 21st of
November 2012, the same night that I received my mission call to San Diego
California, Spanish Speaking. I received the Melchizidek priesthood, my endowments and continued
to attend Sons of Helaman and left on my mission the 6th Of February
2013. Forever grateful for the most hand-tailored miracle I had ever seen in my
life.
But wait, it’s not that simple,
swoosh bang, biggest miracle ever and I got into the mission field and free of
the addiction but I was still having problems controlling my thoughts. I still
had trouble looking into the mirror and seeing who I really was. I left my home
like a rock star, walking into the MTC like a cowboy on his horse into the
sunset. I got there and then into the field and realized that I really didn’t
know who I was. I still didn’t have my identity, I had left family, friends, Sons
of Helaman, my music, my sports, EVERYTHING, and oh did I struggle. I didn’t
have people around me that knew how far I had come, I had no positive voices to
keep me afloat and praise me for my good deeds. Until I finally hit rock
bottom, after listening to negative, destructive, degrading voices for so long,
I said no more. Six months into my mission I took it to the Father. I needed to
know what to do and how to get over this destructive mental poison. His
response, “You are My Son.” That is all he had to say. What my identity truly
is, take away everything from me and why am I still worth it? It’s one simple truth,
which will always fill our souls with confidence, we are sons of our Heavenly Father and that is why we matter, that is why we are important. Everything else
is just flowers and noise, we only need rely on that fact.
So here I am almost a year and a
half later reflecting on my life, bearing out my soul to complete strangers and
one asks the question why? The reason I let you in on the details of my life,
miraculous and not so miraculous, goes back to where we were at the beginning
of this article. Remembering that even through my mission the Brand that was
burnt deep into my heart was the phrase “Pornography Addict”.
My testimony of the Savior, the
power of His Atonement and the actuality of His Resurrection, scream in my
heart that former brands and labels, self-imposed, self- inflicted no longer
needed to dominate the depths of my heart. That newness of life had been found
and Hope for an eternal life with My Father and Savior never need to subside.
The reason I write these things to you and give you my heart and soul is
because in place of whatever brands we burn into our hearts, the truth is that
only one phrase need burn there. “I AM A CHILD OF GOD, I AM HIS SON”.
“I am the light and the life of the
world; and I have drunk out of that bitter cup which the Father hath given me,
and have glorified the Father in taking upon me the sins of the world… He that
followeth me shall not walk in darkness, but shall have the light of life.”(3 Nephi 11:11)
I know this to be true!
Sincerely,
David Hulet
Note from Cody:
Did you notice any shame in David? Why would he desire to share his story and his picture for all the world to see? Just like the blind man that was healed by Christ he could care less about any pharisaical or saduccean response from those who surround him. All he cares about is the freedom he feels from re-branding himself from Addict to an unequivocal Child of God. His true identity!!
Cody Hawes MSW, LCSW
lifechangingservices.org
1-877-HERO-877
*permission given by David Hulet to share his story and picture
