4 Steps to Transform Enmity Into Empathy

The simple definition of Enmity according to Websters is "a very deep unfriendly feeling"

I believe the cause of a lot of anguish and despair is because of enmity. It happens when we believe lies about ourselves to the point of creating coping strategies that put us in survival mode. It happens when we are overly critical of others because they're not keeping up with the latest fad or if they do not match social status. It can also happen because another person is just not socially apt or thinks very different from you. One of this worlds greatest downfalls is because enmity is so easily masked or disguised by the counterfeit comforts that influence our emotional/mental/social survival techniques. We are driven to protect ourselves physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually and so it is not an abnormal response to react with enmity. 

What I would like to accomplish with this video is to help those caught in enmity to replace it with empathy or the ability to understand, at a deeper level, why others function the way they do. Especially when people you love do things that contradict their value system. Please remember that as humans we naturally seek places and people that are more empathic and very much shy away from those that have animosity toward us. 

So, here are four steps to show more empathy when our natural response could be enmity. 

1st- IDENTIFY the enmity we are facing. The enmity could disguise itself as disgust, extreme frustration, enmity-fueling gossip, or discovering the undesirable mote in someone's eye. It is essential to IDENTIFY the enmity.

2nd- Know this is NOT AN ABNORMAL response. When we are battling enmity we will naturally go to some feeling that creates an emotional/mental survival. It's not uncommon for us to want to survive, IT'S BUILT right into our brain. Most times this emotional survival is counterfeit and may even be satisfied by giving into the natural response to attack in subtle ways or even blow-ups. The idea though is to be easy on yourself and others by knowing you could have feelings of enmity even though unwanted.   

3rd- SEPARATE the behavior from the person... who is created a bit different than you. Everyone has unique experiences in their life that shape the very person they are. In fact, 100% of their experiences shape their perception. It's not uncommon for a wife to have a differing point of view on parenting or even a coach of an athletic team that should be coaching your child better. Please know that enmity will always promote labels "delinquent," "disobedient," "offender," "snob" "exclusive." When we separate the behavior from the person with which we have enmity, it DISTRACTS THE BRAIN from creating uncomfortable LASTING ASSOCIATIONS. This is where empathy makes a big difference on the brain level.

4th- EMPATHIZE with that person. EVERY SINGLE one of us has our way of coping through hard times. There is a reason so and so goes to Gossip, Exclusivity, Pecking Orders as their defense mechanism. The way we empathize with them is to, at times, just GUESS! For example, "That is the way they were raised and I can appreciate and understand that perception" "There must be a reason why they are feeling insecure, maybe I can go lift them up or offer a listening ear" "I would also be very angry if I was facing such a demanding lifestyle" When we replace the enmity with empathy we actually will notice a personal difference psychologically and we will no longer reinforce, in our brain, so and so as the (perceived label). 

What a greater world this would be if we were to replace enmity with empathy. Seeking to understand before we pass judgement. It softens our heart and promotes a place for others to feel welcomed and loved instead of excluded and scorned. I invite you to go through these steps if you have unwanted enmity with someone in your life. Life is full of relationships and full of people we don't understand so let's change the status quo and start understanding each other.


Cody Hawes LCSW is a clinician that specializes in addiction recovery, mental health recovery and marital therapy. To learn more about him please go to lifechangingservices.org.           

One of the greatest ways to overcome addictions to unwanted behavior is to produce what we call in the Sons of Helaman program "Warrior Chemistry." It is a combination of your known value system and your ability to recognize when those values are under attack. One of my clients, who has dedicated two years of his life in Africa, had a very unique way of practicing his warrior chemistry by writing "poetry jams." So, I thought I would demonstrate warrior chemistry through a poetry jam I wrote.

It's Called "Dominant Light"

To the Porn industry, Go Away!
the amount of pain you've produced causes so much decay...
moral, sexual and marital demise
can no longer be accepted by people so wise.
There's no room for it as we raise a chosen generation.
They will know more about love and its light than your counterfeit comfort and human objectification.
The filth you peddle creates so much ugly around the globe
but we will teach youth early on to learn values greater accessing their frontal lobe.
From the gift of life, love, work ethic and inclusion.
They will remember these things as they combat your criminal illusion.
You will become obsolete, an afterthought, a learned experience,
so much so IT. WILL. BE. HILARIOUS.
All you do is destroy the human spirit, and starting at very tender ages, 
I can't believe you're okay with what you put on your pages.. 
Our children are taught the beauties and glories of procreation 
and you promote and openly spread fantasy based ugly recreation.
You've created a society that sub-consciously promotes objectification
where people are robots, bosses are paychecks and bodies are instant gratification.
We are sick of you, go away,
stop tearing up families, stop progressing the moral decay.
There is no demand for you and you know it,
to you, bodies are paychecks so YOU EMPLOY it.
You are criminal,
you traffic the vulnerable, the forgotten, the insecure, making them subliminal.
They are so down trodden you pounce as if they're prey,
only you come out on top and they have to pay...
the price of addiction, worthlessness and years of intensive rehab.
You could care less though because there is always fresh meat you can nab.
You will come clean, you will eventually make it right.
You will have a change of heart to be able to face your demons at midnight.
It's a shame that you'll keep on going... so will I.
I will train valiant soldiers, validate the betrayed, and fight like a dragon til the day I die.
You will never win, your only satisfaction is temporal,
there will be no demand because our fight DAY IN and DAY OUT is ETERNAL!

To the victims of this dirt.
You can seek refuge, you don't have to endure the hurt.
I know they manipulate you with glamour, riches and popularity
but they're just biding their time until you fade into obscurity.
To those overcoming and have overcome this huge affliction.
Hold on tight you will get your vindication.
It will come through heightened senses, increased confidence and clarity.
There is no stopping you and no END to your prosperity.
You are fighting something that some think needs no fighting,
you will influence them and you will influence others, the energy you bring will be igniting...
virtue, beauty and light you will continue to seek,
there is no better feeling than slaying an opponent so sleek.
Not saying it will be easy or will be without effort
but your ability to overcome weakness and adversaries will be so much the better.
Unfortunately there is a powerful enemy and he is relentless and sly
but you will be victorious with your warrior cry.
It comes through prayer, action and confidence in your ability to dominate.
There will be so much strength, so much power even the greatest leaders in the world will try to imitate.
So one last message, a battle cry,
Light will always overcome the dark, an energy so dominate it cannot be denied.
    

Cody Hawes, LCSW LLC is a clinician for the Sons of Helaman program and Life Changing Services. For more information on the Sons of Helaman Program go to lifechangingservices.org.

      

3 Steps to Train the Addicted Brain

The brain is the most powerful tool we have in our body. If we know how it works, we can use it to achieve our greatest potential. One of the biggest downfalls of our brain is its instant gratification especially with unwanted behavior. Consider Pornography, when a brain is exposed to it, it is given a dose of dopamine comparable to heroin without the financial burden. After continued use, the brain reinforces a trodden down neural-pathway that is not easy to overcome. Through this process it creates associations... if you are feeling any type of negative emotion- Porn can be your band-aid. If you are feeling bored- Porn can create a fantasy world full of variety. The addicted brain is extremely quick to send the the most pleasured fantasy-based solutions- drugs, video games, tv marathons, cutting, food or anything that can give you a release from the pain.    

So, here are three steps to begin to change those associations. Since I work with mostly pornography addicted brains I will use that as an example.

First- it is essential that we know our value system that opposes the addiction. For most people, Pornography is not a value for them but they do value a life without it. A wonderful place to start is to ask yourself, "how do I want my brain to view the human body in regards to sex?" The majority in this world don't want to be viewed as objects and I am assuming they would want the same for others. So you've got to know your personal values around it. Personally, I view the human body as beautiful, virtuous, something divinely created by a God I love. I also view sex as something beautiful, an expression of ultimate safety with your spouse, a bond that can create an all-consuming love. I also see it as something that gives us a God-given gift to create life.

Second- Once we have our value system in place and our philosophy around it is sound, it is important to create a remembrance system around it. This could be a key word or phrase that you are exposed to at least three times a day. People can use their bathroom mirrors and a dry-erase marker to remember, others can use the alarms on their phone with phrases appearing as their alarm goes off. This causes the brain to create a strong neural pathway for the value that overrides the brains desire to use pornography. Remember the brain goes to instant gratification when in distress so to have a counteracting force against that is vital.

Third- Go on the offensive- do something that reinforces the neural pathway. If a person is constantly feeling they are under attack by the brain's desire to watch pornography, that puts them on the defensive and their brain will get agitated and want a quick fix. Choose an action every day that reinforces your value system, write about your philosophy for change, serve a family member, create a new connection with a neighbor, follow up with a friend on social media, go treat your body to exercise or hard work.

Remember the more we reinforce connections with our true value system, the more our brain will feel at ease. The associations our brain makes will change for the better as we focus on our values. It will not need to feed off fantasy worlds if it's given the nutrition from our remembered moral codes.

For more philosophy and science around addiction recovery strategies please refer to Maurice Harker's book "Like Dragon's Did They Fight", research the studies and writings of Dr. Donald Hilton, Mark Chamberlain's "Will Power is Not Enough" and his website lovehealsporn.com, lifechangingservices.org and fightthenewdrug.org.

Cody Hawes LCSW is a licensed clinician for the Sons of Helaman program. He specialiazes in addiction recovery, marital therapy and mental health recovery. He can be reached at 1-801-721-0144.  

Overcoming Shame: Finding the Inner-Kid

Shame is so binding. It can start by doing something against your moral code and it has every intention to be hidden and stay hidden. It can take a joyous person and cause them to isolate as to create a counterfeit solace from a hurtful world.

When I read the poem above it reminded me of things I could do to remember that no matter how much hurt a person feels if they can get back in touch with their inner child they can find peace and happiness again. Here are three ways to find that inner-kid:

1. Observe the children around you- Take your own children or a loved-ones child to the park- see how they interact with the other children. Notice their care-free attitude- their lack of judgment of the other children- Their keen observance and curiosity about the other children- and questions to fulfill their curiosity. Notice their ability to forget after a big fall or maybe even their ability to forget after another child hurts them. How is it so easy for them to lack judgment? Ponder how they can live care-free with so many unknowns in front of them.

2. Lose yourself in the worlds of your children's imagination- I recently took some time to do this with my son. I call it Lego Improvisation. We just built vehicles and buildings together, created scenarios and people and acted as we went. He created voices for the people and he was annoyed by my goofy voices. There were no worries during this activity just a lot of fun with imagination and no thought of outside influence. I felt safe with my son and vice versa.

3. Hold one conversation weekly with a child. Could be a child of a family friend, a niece, a nephew or even better, your own child. Be curious about their life. Ask them about their dreams and aspirations. Ask them about their theories of life or what it takes to be happy. You might find that their theories are a whole lot simpler than yours. Ponder the insight they give and try to implement it in some way.

Cody Hawes is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker. He specializes in addiction recovery, marital therapy, grief therapy and has assisted many in overcoming mental illness. If you feel you could use some time with Cody, please call him at 1-801-721-0144.

"That's just who you are"

           A story about Mighty Change by-            

          A General of The Sons of          

 Helaman Program 

I had struggles with pornography from a pretty early age. I believe I was around 11 when I first fell into it. In the beginning it wasn’t very often that I would fall, maybe once a month or less. I didn’t dare tell anyone. I am not sure if I even recognized it as what everyone was warning against. Satan did a very good job keeping me ignorant. In my head it wasn’t an addiction, it was just a small problem I had. I thought I could just stop.

                As the next couple years went by my addiction got continually worse. As I hit the age of 13 I started to realize the mess I was in. It was almost every day I was losing my battle with Satan. I hadn’t told anybody. And this secret built up with large amounts of Shame, guilt, embarrassment, and a lack of self worth started taking a huge toll on my identity. A lot of people say they start to live two different lives. This was not the case for me. Every aspect of my life was sinking. I had no ability to have simple conversation with anyone. Satan had such a great hold on my mind that almost every thought that I had about myself came from him. While talking to anyone I was continually bombarded with debilitating thoughts, thoughts that would kill my confidence and cause me to want to end any interaction with people. I became incredibly closed off. I would snap at the slightest thing my family would say to me. I would spend great amounts of time by myself doing worthless things just to kill time. I really didn’t have any desire to live. I completely believed the lie “that’s just who you are”, a worthless kid who doesn’t have any future. In this state of depression, God would still give me spouts of encouragement. I would still try to fight this addiction, I would fail miserably, not being able to go more than a few days without succumbing, but I would try.

                One day I was feeling really good. I was sure I was not going to lose that day. The day started off great and after school I was feeling enlightened. Out of nowhere I was bombarded with an attack from Satan to get me to lose. I fell succumb and lost. I sat at the computer not believing what I had done. I realized at that moment that I had absolutely no control of my own life. It was a feeling of complete hopelessness. There was nothing else I could do I thought.  Nothing more to put in. No more amount of will power that I could muster, I had given it my all and I still didn’t make it through the day. I walked slowly to my bedroom and fell to the floor. I prayed harder then I ever had. The prayer wasn’t to help me get out of this mess, it wasn’t a promise to never fall again, I had already told God that too many times, I just told him that I gave up. I could not do it. I just talked to him about my failure. That I was not going to overcome this addiction. The incredibly powerful feeling of the spirit came to me. It told me I needed to walk upstairs that instant and tell my parents. A great and terrible amount of fear came over me. I knew this was something I could not do. I told my Father in Heaven that I could not do it. Again the feeling came. I told God of my deep desire to tell them, but that I did not have the strength to do so. Heavenly Father was mindful of my weaknesses that day. I promised him I would give it my all to tell them about my addiction but I needed his power and strength. Before I realized what was happening my knees were lifted from the floor. Step by step I was moved forward by my Father in Heaven towards my parent’s bedroom. As I felt my Father lift me up and stumble with me, I received the necessary support to sit down with my dad and explain my situation. That was the first time in a very long time I had felt that love.

                With several talks with my parents they convinced me to go to the Sons of Helaman Program. I was very hesitant but I was willing to go. I remember that the first week I was really scared. I couldn’t look at anyone in the eye. I didn’t know how to talk to peers, let alone about an addiction to pornography. Very quickly however I became really comfortable with these guys. In the beginning of me going to group I would never stay clean for more than a couple weeks. I think it had to do with the idea that I was so comfortable with the addiction that it wasn’t a super pressing issue in my head. Satan would falsely calm me down and say that I would do it eventually and I didn’t need to worry about it. I spent the next couple years in this attitude, completely miserable. I did not gain a whole ton out of Sons of Helaman because I wasn’t putting in that much. I would talk in group as if I was trying so hard but I would just kind of forget about fighting when I went home.

Then I started doing something really dumb. I started to lie again. My mom would ask me if I was still winning, and even if I had lost just recently I would be startled by the question and squeak out a “yes”. I’m sure she knew that I wasn’t really winning. I would never let myself graduate or go too far with the lies. I claimed that I would mess up every 9 weeks or so. When in reality I wasn’t lasting more than a few days. When I was about 15 and I started to realize that dating was coming up and becoming a priest and my problem became more and more urgent in my head. I started recognizing the great amounts of depression that I had and started successfully pinning it on my addiction. I realized that it wasn’t just me. I naturally wasn’t a depressed kid. I started doing everything I could to win. I stopped lying and took responsibility for my actions. I would pray hard, and read my scriptures. I wasn’t reading every day, and I would beat myself up for not doing that, but I think my Father in Heaven noted my trying and he blessed me because of it. I still felt so self-conscious of who I was. I would see people around me and see their lives as perfect. I truly thought that most people didn’t struggle in life period. Satan told me that I just wasn’t reaching the bar and that there was nothing I could do to reach it.

I remember the first couple times that I reached five or six weeks clean. It was a sense of peace that I will never forget. Recognize that I still was being fed lies of self-loathing and I wasn’t socially normal. The fear of social events was still there, but the guilt was gone. For the first times in my life it was as if I received a breath of fresh air. Then I would lose my battle and my head was shoved underwater again. The peace would be gone, however with these first couple instances I gained a sense of hope. A realization that my life was not doomed to misery. By the time I was 16 and 17 I was consistently making it to eight weeks perfect before falling. I remember the concept that when I would be this far in weeks I would roll my windows down and just feel the peace in my heart. I would just drive and drive just because it felt free and good.  I was starting into high school and I met new kids at school. This allowed me to gain a semi fresh start on my social life and I practiced having regular conversations. I started having groups of friends. This is when I started to feel the idea that I was living a double life style. I wasn’t socially fantastic but I could get by without people thinking I was super weird, and that felt great, but then I was still would lose to this addiction every so often. And when I would lose it took me a while brush myself off and keep fighting. Those moments were very difficult for me.

                I finally graduated the program and overcame my addiction to pornography at the age of eighteen. I honestly can say I don’t think there was anything different about the time that I finally went all the way, and graduated the program. The entire roller coaster of a life I had had was a learning process. Every time I fought I would get better and better. I was constantly growing even though I didn’t see it at the time. I continued to go back every week to help others with the addiction. I was finally free and started to feel happy.

                In the February of 2012, my senior year I was called to serve in the Arizona, Tucson Mission speaking Spanish. I, for so many years, really didn’t believe that I would be able to go. My mission was the hardest thing I have ever accomplished. God put me on a fast track on my mission and I learned more then I possibly knew I could. I gained an ability to build and nurture relationships with people, which I never had done previously. I learned how to truly communicate and listen to people. I started to build my ability to have charity. I became someone who was extremely social and could and would talk to everyone around me. I can honestly say that I came home a very different person. One who had a complete conversion to my Savior.

                After my mission I got back into volunteering in the Sons of Helaman program which eventually turned into a job. I am currently apart of the starting up of the Elite Missionary Training course that Life Changing Services provide. My life is a busy, and fulfilling one. I am truly happy. I still struggle with so many things in life but I know that my Father has a plan for me and will always lead me to a place of repentance and change.

               I know that anyone out there who is struggling with this addiction can be led to cleanliness. I promise that if you don’t give up and just keep on pushing towards Christ you will be free.

To know more about the Sons of Helaman Program or Cody Hawes, creator of the Mighty Change blogspot please call 1-877-HERO-877 or go to lifechangingservices.org.

STUBBORN

A simple story of recovery by C.J., a graduate and general of the Sons of Helaman program--

I'M STUBBORN! I won't sugar coat it, I'd rather pound my way through a problem by myself than get help from someone but when I got to the Sons of Helaman program things changed. It became a great tool to get help.

My secret to success was accepting the help of others. When I had fallen into one of the traps of the adversary I thought I was alone but when I reached out for help I found it. Whether it came from my brothers in group, my Bishop, or Heavenly Father... I found great support. 

What is truly amazing is the ability for someone so low to find a helping hand through the Atonement. I realized that because I was willing to get help through my afflictions I could find many blessing other wise not open to me. My brothers in the Sons of Helaman program are great people who have fallen in the dust but we all fought side by side to get up and shake off the dust of the earth that defiled us. We all come together to strengthen, refine, and encourage our recovery process. I have personally received so much help and then shared what I have found to be useful. 

With group allowing me to get help from my brothers and MAN PWR turning me to self improvement-- I found myself better able to bow my head and receive help from my Heavenly Father. I found his love, and received a strengthened witness that he does live and will help me if I need it. I didn't just loose the chains of addiction that bound me and shake off the dust of the earth but I found my armor and was able to battle any type of moral attack. With this strength I am more aware of any fiery dart Satan throws at me. This is my strength. Relying on what strength I have around me in my brothers and Heavenly Father I am a General and continue to fight, ALWAYS! I'm that STUBBORN!

Note from Cody:

For those of you who are noticing a "stubborn" attitude when contemplating to share your weakness or...to know your weakness. Take a note from C.J.'s story. It's amazing when you find you are not the only earthling dealing with your EXACT hardship with different details. I've witnessed a lot of people recover from addiction and other behavior issues and one thing they all have in common...The more they shared their story with people they LOVED and TRUSTED, the more they recovered from the shame and guilt they were experiencing...transforming the negative reinforcement of a stubborn attitude to the freedom that comes from a humbled heart. I am grateful for Heroes like C.J.

Cody Hawes MSW, LCSW
Life Changing Services Clinician
1-877-HERO-877

               

"Redefining My Identity"

By David Hulet

Graduate and General of the Sons of Helaman Program

Return Missionary from the San Diego, California Mission

HI, Im David Hulet! I always love to describe who I am to people because I feel like it comes out different every time I say it. I portray who I am to that person in a 5 sentence conversation and I create a persona that in all honesty might not even be who I really am at the core. Now don’t get me wrong, I never lie or say I caught a reeaallly big fish, but I describe myself to that person or to a group of people to paint a picture in their minds of who I am. When in actuality the real painting of David Hulet may look nothing like that!

                

So as I write today I hope that genuinely you can see who I am at my core. I hope that above all else you can walk away from the time you spent reading this and feel one emotion. Sincerity. So sincerely thank you for reading today and thank you for being open to what I have to say.

                

Who I am has been a journey, not unlike the journey many of you are on. After 21 years of ups and downs, right turns and u-turns, there are adjectives I put before and after my name to illustrate who I am. They could be anything from, 3.9 gpa student, to a starter on my high school football team. It could jump to an eagle scout or the student of the year in 9^th grade, impressive right? How about student body officer or even better a return missionary. How about son, brother, grandson, baseball player, boyfriend, best friend, and perhaps even Christian, Mormon and believer. An endless list of accolades, achievements and awards all to say “HI, I’m David Hulet and this is who I am!”

Now how about one more that you may not expect to be alongside the rest, one that doesn’t seem to fit, one that you could say “shouldn’t” be there. The skeleton in the closet that is also the elephant in the room. Two words that at the time seemed to erase all the good that I previously stated. Pornography Addict. Did that give you the shivers or what? As an eleven year old kid, and a 16 year old kid and an 18 year old kid it gave me the shivers. It took from me what you would say I “should” have had, a healthy, happy and high self-esteem. It seemed to be the one phrase that was branded onto my heart, no matter how hard the other identities tried to take its place. Sound familiar to anyone?

Well if it does let me tell you that the story I’m telling you is not a sad one. It doesn’t end with a jail sentence, it doesn’t end with exile or excommunication, and it definitely didn’t end in suicide. Even better, this part of the journey BEGAN, “began” being such an important phrase because growing up I didn’t believe that I could begin again, that I could have new life, new hope and a mighty change of heart. I was addicted to pornography, people don’t come back from that, it’s a trap that has no door to the outside, or so I thought.

My journey began again starting in the summer of 2010 on a pioneer trek in the mountains of Wyoming, when I was surrounded with people I didn’t know. People who had no idea who I really was, or at least who I thought I really was! It was exhilarating, and the miracle of it all, I spent that week with those people and guess what, they loved me! Now I don’t mean they loved me like they were throwing roses at my feet and asking for an encore, I mean they loved me for who they saw me to be, they saw value in me and in what I had to offer. So BEGAN the redefining of my identity, the beginning of the journey out of the trap I thought had no outward swinging door.

Even after such a positive and loving experience it wasn’t quite enough to get me out. The Lord decided to send me angels. A best friend, a girlfriend, a coach and a brother. A bishop, Sunday school and seminary teacher and not to mention a faithful mother. People who will never truly know how much effect they really had upon my progress. It was not them individually, but collectively I could not have done it without each and every one of them. What was it that they did that made such a lasting and profound effect you ask? They kept telling me what was right about me, they saw good and they let it be known. When in my head all I could hear and believe was the opposite, their voices slowly began to drown out the others. I BEGAN to believe in myself, the light was shining and the tunnel was shrinking.

Surprisingly that wasn’t enough, it was difficult even then to see myself through others eyes. To look into a mirror and feel the things that others said. That is when, in the summer after my senior year of high school, an inspired bishop asked me if I would like to join the Sons of Helaman program. After an initial response of “no, I have it under control” which by this time I did have better grip than when I was 13, the Spirit took the wheel and persuaded me to change my answer, I said “you know what... I need to get this over once and for all.”

With experience gained in sports, music, student government and relationships, I knew what it meant to give my whole heart to something or someone. Regrettably none of those things had given back as much as I gave it, I always left feeling empty, emotionally and spiritually. This time was different though, Sons of Helaman was different. It taught me how to give my whole heart not to man or a cause devised by him but to give my whole heart to God. To fight every single day and put my heart and soul into God’s hands and work my tail off to change the tide.

Through concepts taught in Sons of Helaman like combatting negative thoughts, and practicing warrior chemistry to overcome temptation. I began to see myself gaining momentum. By marking my calendar in advance and holding myself accountable I began to not only believe in myself but to see evidence of why I should. I decided to overhaul my life, I cut out the sources of my addiction, I let go of useless entertainment and spirit numbing media. I disciplined my habits and focused on my spiritual well-being. I accounted to a young-lady each night of my progress and lost myself in the Book of Mormon and fasting. I gave my whole heart to the cause and to the program and when I did, I was finally receiving returns. The investment was being reciprocated. God was sending things back to me that I desperately needed.

By the time I arrived at week 6 of being clean it was October of 2012. The historic announcement that lowered the age of departing missionaries came and the shrinking tunnel I talked about earlier disappeared. Through weeping and tears of joy I hugged my mom and sister and we knew that this was sent by God as a gift to release me from the bonds of addiction. I began my mission papers that week and saw the hand of the Lord in my preparation. Through the enabling power of Christ’s atonement and temple attendance the next six weeks of my journey through Sons of Helaman was one of the happiest times of my life. I graduated on the 21^st of November 2012, the same night that I received my mission call to San Diego California, Spanish Speaking. I received  the Melchizidek priesthood, my endowments and continued to attend Sons of Helaman and left on my mission the 6^th Of February 2013. Forever grateful for the most hand-tailored miracle I had ever seen in my life.

But wait, it’s not that simple, swoosh bang, biggest miracle ever and I got into the mission field and free of the addiction but I was still having problems controlling my thoughts. I still had trouble looking into the mirror and seeing who I really was. I left my home like a rock star, walking into the MTC like a cowboy on his horse into the sunset. I got there and then into the field and realized that I really didn’t know who I was. I still didn’t have my identity, I had left family, friends, Sons of Helaman, my music, my sports, EVERYTHING, and oh did I struggle. I didn’t have people around me that knew how far I had come, I had no positive voices to keep me afloat and praise me for my good deeds. Until I finally hit rock bottom, after listening to negative, destructive, degrading voices for so long, I said no more. Six months into my mission I took it to the Father. I needed to know what to do and how to get over this destructive mental poison. His response, “You are My Son.” That is all he had to say. What my identity truly is, take away everything from me and why am I still worth it? It’s one simple truth, which will always fill our souls with confidence, we are sons of our Heavenly Father and that is why we matter, that is why we are important. Everything else is just flowers and noise, we only need rely on that fact.

So here I am almost a year and a half later reflecting on my life, bearing out my soul to complete strangers and one asks the question why? The reason I let you in on the details of my life, miraculous and not so miraculous, goes back to where we were at the beginning of this article. Remembering that even through my mission the Brand that was burnt deep into my heart was the phrase “Pornography Addict”.

My testimony of the Savior, the power of His Atonement and the actuality of His Resurrection, scream in my heart that former brands and labels, self-imposed, self- inflicted no longer needed to dominate the depths of my heart. That newness of life had been found and Hope for an eternal life with My Father and Savior never need to subside. The reason I write these things to you and give you my heart and soul is because in place of whatever brands we burn into our hearts, the truth is that only one phrase need burn there. “I AM A CHILD OF GOD, I AM HIS SON”.

“I am the light and the life of the world; and I have drunk out of that bitter cup which the Father hath given me, and have glorified the Father in taking upon me the sins of the world… He that followeth me shall not walk in darkness, but shall have the light of life.”(3 Nephi 11:11)

I know this to be true!

Sincerely,

David Hulet

Note from Cody:

Did you notice any shame in David? Why would he desire to share his story and his picture for all the world to see? Just like the blind man that was healed by Christ he could care less about any pharisaical or saduccean response from those who surround him. All he cares about is the freedom he feels from re-branding himself from Addict to an unequivocal Child of God. His true identity!!

Cody Hawes MSW, LCSW

lifechangingservices.org

1-877-HERO-877 

*permission given by David Hulet to share his story and picture