"I started to see my wife as a rose bush that wasn't receiving proper care... a rosebush that needed to be well cared for in order to produce the most beautiful flowers."

On The Brink

Our Story

When we were married in August of 1980 we never dreamed that we would find our selves on the brink of divorce but we did. This is our story of how we have moved from that place to where we are today.

We began our marriage as all young couples do starry eyed and completely in love, thinking that life would be perfect from here on out. We had gotten married in the Temple and were doing all the right things in trying to keep the commandments. We started a family and began raising our children in the gospel. But then after 9 years of what seemed like an almost perfect marriage very slowly and most unpredictably Satan began to use his favorite tool, a wedge, in our marriage, and 12 years later we were faced with mistrust, a separation and infidelity.

(Husband) When we were first married I was a good man, husband and father. Then as trying experiences occurred in our lives I let them turn my life away from God. I turned to alcohol, going to clubs and ended having an affair and being dis-fellowshipped.

As I went through the repentance process the fog of spiritual and mental illness began to lift and I began to long for a change of heart. After 10 years of seeing different counselors and trying different things we were still struggling.

(Wife) Through all of this I developed a great deal of mistrust and basically built a very huge wall around my heart so that I couldn't get hurt again. As my husband tried to figure out how to over come and change things I also began to start filling like every thing that had happened was my fault. I began to think if only I had done things differently, had been prettier, hadn't nagged, the list went on and on. Deep inside I knew I still loved my husband but I felt that things could never be right again. In desperation I finally apologized for all the things I had done wrong.

(Husband) When my wife began apologizing she was really, really upset and it scared me to death. I didn't know how much she was hurting and I didn't know what she might do. So I went and asked our Bishop if he would help get us into counseling, which he did. I think at this time the Lord placed Cody Hawes in our lives. I think when we met Cody I was finally at a place where I could finally make permanent change of heart rather than just going through the motions.

I learned about the 3 P's as Cody calls them: Preside, Provide and Protect. I learned that as I started focusing on these 3 things my heart began to turn to my wife and no longer focus on myself. As I did that I saw how my wife began to be more happy and I started to remember how special my wife is and how great it made me feel to make my wife feel good. I started to see my wife as a rose bush that had never got proper care... a rosebush that needed to be well cared for in order to produce the most beautiful flowers. As I started to think about my wife and not myself I began to pray for her happiness and that in turn helped me learn to talk with Heavenly Father and develop a closer relationship with Him.

(Wife) As we started meeting with Cody, he helped me see that Satan had developed a very strong tool that I would use on myself all the time. Any time my husband would do anything that was remotely like things in the past, it didn't matter how small, it would send me back to feeling like nothing was every going to change. Cody taught me two things that have helped me to change how I respond and these in turn have I think helped me get closer to husband again. The first is “ write a letter to God” when ever something comes up and begins to drag me back to the dark place that I was in I should write this to my Heavenly Father and ask for his help. One of these letters I brought and let Cody read and he had my husband read it. My husband told me that reading that had helped him better understand where I was coming from. The second thing that Cody taught me was “ A Teflon Mind” any time one of the triggers would happen I needed to not let it stick to me and start dragging me back, but rather take a good look at it and see if it really was like the old stuff or just Satan trying to drag me back.

After 5 months of meeting with Cody, we each have tools and knowledge that will help use strengthen or marriage. We also are having daily scripture study and prayers together which helps us to become closer to the Lord and in turn closer to each other.

This is our story and it still is being written with the hope that the end will be even better than the beginning.


Cody Hawes MSW, LCSW works for Life Changing Services and the Sons of Helaman program. His areas of expertise include Marital Therapy, Addiction Recovery, Mental Health Therapy and assisting others in achieving life goals and true potential. If you would like an appointment with Cody you can call 1-877-HERO-877