Secrets to Success    

I had to let it go and forgive my self. 

Story given anonymously by S.R.     

    Growing up I always wanted to go on a mission for my church, that was always one of my goals. I remember singing in primary "I Hope They Call Me On a Mission" it was always my favorite song! Little did I know then that later in life that goal would slowly fade away...I would be exposed to things I'd never imagined as a young innocent boy. 
     I went on with my normal life and did things as any other boy would do. Then, I was introduced to pornography, at that time I had no idea what it was. I knew that at church we talked about it, but leaders were always so vague and timid when talking about it I really had no idea what it was. I thought that what I was doing was just curiosity, that it was normal. Looking back I knew from that moment on it was something I would struggle with for a very long time.
     Years had gone by at this point and I knew that I had a problem. I didn't know what to do about it though. I just kept to myself about it hoping that it would just go away, that I could lie my way through this "part" of my life and still do all those things I wanted to do as a kid in primary. A few more years had passed and it had only gotten worse than before. It didn't just affect me any more, it affected everyone around me. The relationships with everyone around me suffered. I was always fighting with my parents and siblings, and I shut people out of my life. It was at this point when I hit the "I don't care anymore" point.
     This is when I stopped going to church, and started other bad habits like drinking that put a vice on my life.  I started down a road to nowhere and didn't have any desire to do anything else. This went on for a while, when I got to the point where I didn't know what to do. That's when I realized I had to change.
     This is when I found out about the Sons of Helaman program. I started attending there once a week. After going to that for a few weeks my desire to go back to church and to be a good person came back. I wanted to serve a mission again! I was so much happier with my life and the changes I was trying to make, but it was lots easier said than done. It was lots of work to be clean of these habits. I had been going for about three months when I took off and started to excel. I was at 7 weeks clean and my bishop let me start my mission papers, I was so excited! I got all my papers done and at 10 weeks he put them in to the steak president. All I had to do was meet with him and they would be ready to send in.
     The day before I was going to meet with him I lost (relapsed). I was depressed. I had told everyone that I had my papers almost in. I met with him the next day and he told me that I needed to build up another few months before I would be ready to put them in. This put me into a very depressed state of mind. I couldn't get more than a week clean for months and months. I was sad and depressed and I didn't know what to do. I was being humbled, I had to be taken all the way down.
     About 6 months after this had happened I was still losing almost daily. My morale was low and it appeared as though there was no where to go, I was stuck and there was no light at the end of this never ending tunnel. Soon after this in one of my Sunday school classes my teacher talked about forgiving ourselves. I knew that this lesson was for me! It was what I needed to hear, I had to learn to let it go and forgive my self.  
     Forgiving myself was a huge part of this process. Forgiving myself was letting go of all those things I had done. I couldn't keep dwelling on things I did in the past, I had to let it all go, I no longer let what I had done in the past affect what I was going to do in the future. Instead of thinking about myself as an addict and a loser...I told myself everyday was a new day to get closer to God and the people I love. I began to believe whole-heartedly that I was a righteous worthy son of God! The past would no longer keep me from my future and fulfilling my mission on this earth!    

     After I had done that it became a lot easier. And the only thing I wanted to do was to go on a mission. One night when I was praying before bed a thought came to my mind, and it was that I was ready to go. In my prayer I ask Heavenly Father to let my bishop and stake president know that I was ready.

     The next day I got a call from my bishop, he said he wanted to meet with me. I went in to him and he said that he thought I was ready! I was so excited, but the stake president had to approve too. So I set a meeting with him, and he said the same thing, that I was ready to go! I couldn't believe that my prayer had been answered over night. I haven't lost a battle since that day. And I know that our father in heaven is watching over us all. At times it feels like he's so far away, but that's how he builds our faith. And that is what he was doing with me to prepare me to serve a mission.

S.R.

8 weeks clean

This young man just received his mission call and is preparing ferociously to serve his Father in Heaven. 


Cody Hawes MSW, LCSW
Life Changing Services Clinician
lifechangingservices.org
1-877-HERO-877